Absence

Absence, originally uploaded by Theresa Di Moan.

It's been many hours and many days since he took his love away in an email with 301 words and 1,244 characters (not including spaces), dated Sat, 3 Mar 2007 17:31:26.

It was never easy and it never will. But at times it's easier and at other times its more difficult. For instance: it used to be extremely easy when he would go on a business trip out of town for a while. I would subconciously convince myself that the only reason for his absence in my life is caused by the business trip. And he will come back soon.

Now he is on a business trip. And I'm having the hardest time that I haven't had in a long time. Not even when he is around and I want to kiss him and shouldn't. Not even when he is around and I want to tell him how much I love him or how cute the blackheads on his nose are - and instead I would just tease him to release that stress and hate myself for making silly tasteless jokes.

This time I am full of so much bullshit I can't take it anymore. What can I do - I just miss him. And what is there to do except for feeling insulted when you call him at work there, out of town, and when you leave a message you can't even tell them "of course he has my number, he's been living with me for the last four years". Or when you try to reach him at the hotel where he said he would stay and isn't really staying, and the receptionist at the desk asks "are you sure he is not staying with someone else?". Of course not. Even a 10 bedroom mansion wouldn't be big enough to host the ghost of his mother AND another woman. Let alone a crowded hotel room in a god forsaken little town up North, probably filled with plywood furniture and the sheets are not even white but have stupid flowers on them that can't let him fall asleep.